The Power Of Your Word – Part 3: Constructive Conflict Resolution
Executive Life Coaching
With life coaching and executive coaching clients, I focus on the importance of silence and breathing when you’re upset. To have constructive conflict resolution, it’s important to think about the issue from the other’s point of view, to get into the other person’s shoes.
It’s amazing how difficult it is for some people to apologize.
They avoid it like the plague, even though it’s the best conflict resolution, a great balm for the most egregious upsets. But at the end of the day, the most powerful diffusion is to say:
“I’ve thought of this from your point of view. I apologize for my part in this misunderstanding.”
One executive who came into my office for life coaching couldn’t figure out why his wife didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. He had completely blocked out mentioning his wife’s 10-pound weight gain when he got upset. She, of course, never forgot. She played it over and over in her mind whenever they got into bed until she was too self-conscious to take her clothes off (i.e. no sex).
Most people stay firmly planted in their own shoes and become self-righteous about their position,
sending messages like, “How dare you think that way?” or “You are so wrong for thinking that way.”
Unfortunately, that will never solve the problem or create a win-win.
Instead, the other person goes around and around in their own mind replaying those words while thinking, “I can’t believe you said that!”
If you walk away from a disagreement feeling like you won while the other party remains silenced but deeply resentful, you lose. You’ve failed at the most important part of conflict resolution. Whether it’s at home or at work, we tend to spend too much time in our own minds defending our position. You go over the conversation from your point of view but may be completely intolerant of the other’s point of view.
In business development, executive life coaching, and marriage counseling, I see over and over that it’s natural to bring to sessions the parts of ourselves we want to work on, such as how to close a deal or how to talk to a business associate or spouse.
In this solution-oriented life coaching, performance coaching and innovative psychotherapy, you will learn how to use the tools you already possess, in order to resolve issues within yourself, your mindset, your health, and in your relationships at home and at work.