Julie loved her fiancé but they fought all the time. She was tired and thinking of leaving him. Nancy had been married for two years and seeing a relationship coach for 6 months. They fought every session and were on the verge of divorce.
Both couples were using all the skills they had available to them to get the love they wanted. The problem was that they did not possess the in-depth education or skills they needed to truly understand themselves. They did not have a model to understand how to connect with their loved one, negotiate, deal with conflict resolution or build the intimacy they desired.
Both women came in for help. Julie learned that she was causing more of the conflicts than she realized. Julie was very close, too close to her mother. Every time her husband said something about drawing some boundaries, Julie would take her mother’s side. This enraged her fiancé because he didn’t feel like she had his back. Her mom never intended on coming between then. After coaching, Julie learned a whole new way of being that honored her fiancés’ needs while allowing her to have a close relationship with her mom. Their love relationship deepened, they married and have two children.
Nancy brought her husband in and together they learned all the things they were doing that accidentally created conflict between them. As they learned the skills they needed to build intimacy, trust and harmony their marriage relationship deepened. One day Nancy called and said, “Donna, I love my husband again. We are having another baby!”
Its About Knowing Your Unique Style
Everyone has habitual thinking, behaving and communication patterns. Some of these thinking patterns serve our lives in amazing ways. They make our families strong. They build trust with others. They make us great employees and great with loved ones and friends.
But all human beings have two sides. There is the side that is open, proactive, and reaches out for the best life has to offer. There is another side that may be afraid, insecure, unworthy or downright self-sabotaging.
This other side is often the part that creates frustration, limitation, failure and stagnation.
There’s a unique style to your communication that conveys more than the words you say to everyone around you. Your primal nervous system transmits the blockages hidden inside of you to create unconscious behaviors that cause you problems, stress, pain and dysfunction.